Perhaps it's just as well the Ottawa Senators missed the postseason, having played in six Game 7s in their playoff history — and lost them all. Even my 1990 VW isn't that bad in the clutch.

A cheerleader pic from Sports Deke. Cheers.

When I turned on my new electric toothbrush, the toothpaste dropped off it onto the floor. I must admit to feeling a bit crestfallen.

A cheerleader pic from Sports Deke. Cheers.

What Orioles fans got to see at Camden Yard's "bring your dog" baseball game:

5. Several pup flies;

4. Fair balls for the home team, growl balls for the visitors;

3. A few hound-rule doubles;

2. The seventh-inning fetch;

1. An inside-the-bark home run.

A cheerleader pic from Sports Deke. Cheers.

In case you missed it, Pittsburgh police dropped all charges against a man arrested for throwing a catfish onto the ice. Turns out it was a bass-less accusation.

A cheerleader pic from Sports Deke. Cheers!

An Ohio man reportedly shot himself in the penis while getting out of car. Doctors said he is suffering from projectile dysfunction.

A cheerleader pic from Sports Deke. Cheers.

New York is the home of the annual contest to find America's "most rotten sneaker." Raise your hand if you just thought of the Marc Sanchez butt fumble.

A cheerleader pic from Sports Deke. Cheers.

I looked at myself in the mirror yesterday and said, “It’s you and me against the world.” My reflection said, “We’re gonna get creamed.”

A cheerleader pic from Sports Deke. Cheers.

 An ESPN pundit claimed steroids killed MLB fans’ love of the long ball. Not saying I agree, but the newest homer-related sabermetrics stat is YAWN.

A cheerleader pic from Sports Deke. Cheers.

A Pittsburgh Penguins fan accidentally stabbed his head with a screwdriver, but refused treatment until game's end. A sure sign you're seeing too much hockey? You ask if it was a flat blade.

A cheerleader pic from Sports Deke. Cheers.

Tiger Woods says if everything comes together, he believes he can win another Masters. He got me so fired up I sent another set of marriage proposals to Ann Hathaway, Margot Robbie and Gal Godot.

A cheerleader pic from Sports Deke. Cheers!

My wife is upset with me. Sears sent us an email about ladies apparel selling for one fifth of the list price, so I said I like it when women’s clothing is 80 per cent off.

Pittsburgh police arrested a Nashville Predators fan for throwing a catfish onto the ice, then later dropped all charges. Poetic justice — he was caught and released.

An ice crew pic from Sports Deke. Cheers.

An Ohio man reportedly shot himself in his manhood while getting out of car. There was some good news though: the parking valet got a tip.

A cheerleader pic from Sports Deke. Cheers.